I believe that in order to heal ourselves, one another and the planet, we need to live an examined life. Part of that process, at least for me, means being open to exploring my patterns. What are the roots of my patterns and how do they play themselves out in the present through fears, actions, and mindsets? Recently I worked with a depth hypnosis practitioner to further understand a feeling of insecurity and fear related to finances. Where might I have ‘acquired’ a mindset of deficit within myself based on my financial status? (I know...a loaded question and one I have spent considerable timing unpacking. In that sense I was really curious what additional insights depth hypnosis might offer.)

The short story is...my session began with the practitioner asking specific questions related to key events in my childhood and about what I am working with presently. I told her I was navigating how to hold a mindset of (financial) well-being on an educator’s salary, particularly due to the cost of living in the Bay Area. Basically, if I don’t hold deep Trust, I start to freak out. So that’s where we began, with finances and my concern/fear around the whole topic.

Through a meditation, she guided me into a deeper state of relaxation. From this place, we went back to childhood and she asked what the first image was that came to mind. I was 13 years old and hugging my horse Victor around the neck--feeling understood, accepted, loved and loving. From that moment, she asked me to ‘travel’ 15 minutes into the future and asked what I saw or felt. I saw myself walking back to my house, feeling sad. I felt I had come into contact with an essential part of my nature, and didn’t yet know how to carry that wholeness with me into my relationships with the people I loved. (Ah, the joys of being a teenager!). We traveled back even further and the next image was me as a very young girl, afraid of monsters and the dark. I have a memory of sleeping with the covers pulled over my head, of trying to find the light switch, of yelling for help, and of no one coming. (My guess is that my generally quite attentive parents didn’t hear me as their bedroom was on a different floor. )

I was invited to have my adult-self go to the little girl and reassure and hold her. We bookmarked that feeling of love, reassurance and wholeness—completely unrelated on the surface to adult feelings of financial insecurity and deficit. We also had my inner guides go back and heal other times when I haven’t felt whole. This process took a little while (!), but interestingly, there came a time when it did feel complete (for now). The invitation was not to be in my head about it, but rather to allow the healing work to happen on a deeper, somatic level. The suggestion was that whenever I feel anxious about finances or am in a feeling of deficit in general, to go back to this feeling of wholeness. This is an on-going practice of course, since we live in a culture driven by a deficit mentality. I would not have made the connection however, that those childhood experiences were related to this current feeling. In ‘going back’ and reassuring that scared girl, I was able to shift an interior aspect that then alters how I interface with that feeling of fear or deficit now. There are many, many pieces within all of us—yet, in working, piece by piece, I do believe we return to our inherent wholeness and authentic sense of being.

We are so capable of healing with the right tools and guidance. I have witnessed this as both the person going through transformative work and offering it. I was grateful for this introduction to depth hypnosis and while I am sure there are many more insights to gain on this issue, felt that my session offered me not only a somatic bookmark to access when that fear arises (or other fears!) but also useful self-compassion. The ego and strategic mind want to assert feelings of isolation and aloneness--when in fact, we belong and are whole. While we must pay the bills, our value is not determined by the amount of money in our bank account. And as we see in today’s society, even those with extreme wealth, often send the message that they want more. Is that their own sense of deficit and fear somehow unaddressed?

For the past several months I have been studying at the Foundation of the Sacred Stream, a school for consciousness studies, in Berkeley. Isa Gucciardi, Ph.D. is the co-founder and developed Depth Hypnosis as an effective therapeutic model, synthesizing central principles from shamanism, Buddhism, hypnotherapy, and transpersonal psychology. As their website states, “Depth Hypnosis brings the ancient healing wisdom of many cultures to the unique imbalances of contemporary Western society.”

I am excited to share that I am on the path to becoming a practitioner of depth hypnosis and applied shamanism. I believe this work will support healing and transformation for individuals, couples, communities, and Mother Earth. I feel that offering these practices in conjunction with my somatic and equine-assisted counseling will be a generative experience for clients. I am grateful for this opportunity. Blessings kindreds!

Victor was my first horse soulmate. He’s the Arabian in most of these photos. Being in Nature and with animals made me feel most whole.

Residency note #2: Depth Hypnosis and the Practice of Wholeness